40 open when letter ideas, and how to write them

Open when letters are a set of letters, each labelled with the moment it’s for: open when you can’t sleep, open when you’ve had good news, open on your birthday. They’re a long-distance favourite, but they work for anyone going through something: a new job, a move, a hospital stay, a first term away.

The trick is that each one is written for a single feeling. You’re not writing a general letter of love and support ten times. You’re writing to them at 2am, or on the morning of the exam, and meeting them exactly there.

For when they’re down

1. Open when you can’t sleep. Something slow and silly to read in the dark. A story they’ve heard before is perfect.
2. Open when you’ve had a bad day. Don’t try to fix it. Tell them they’re allowed a bad day, and tell them what you’d do if you were there.
3. Open when you’re stressed. One practical thing (a glass of water, a walk round the block) and one reminder of the last time they got through it.
4. Open when you feel lonely. A list of the people who’d drop everything for them, with their names.
5. Open when you’re ill. A plan for the sofa: what to watch, what to eat, and permission to do nothing.
6. Open when you need a laugh. The story that makes you both cry laughing, written out in full.
7. Open when you’re homesick. What home smells and sounds like right now, in detail.
8. Open when you’re doubting yourself. Evidence. Specific things they’ve done that they said they couldn’t.

For when they miss you

9. Open when you miss me. What you’re probably doing right now, and what you’ll do together next time.
10. Open when we’ve had a fight. Written while you’re not fighting: that it’s alright, that you’ll sort it, that you love them anyway.
11. Open when you’re counting down the days. Everything you’ve planned for when you see each other.
12. Open when you can’t remember my voice. This one should be a film. A minute of you talking about nothing.
13. Open when it’s been a month. What’s changed, what hasn’t, and one thing you’ve learned about being apart.
14. Open when it’s Friday night and you’re in. A plan for a night in together, apart: the same film, the same takeaway, a time to ring.
15. Open when you need to know how much I love you. Don’t be vague. Reasons, numbered, as many as you’ve got.
16. Open when you need a hug. Describe one. It sounds odd and it works.

For good days

17. Open when you’ve had good news. Congratulations in advance, and a request for every detail.
18. Open when you’re celebrating. A toast, written out, for them to read with a drink in hand.
19. Open when you’ve done something brave. Say you’re proud, and say you always knew.
20. Open when it’s sunny. An order to go outside, and where to go.
21. Open when you’re proud of yourself. Agree with them, loudly.
22. Open when you’ve finished your exams. Relief, a plan for the evening, and a ban on checking answers.
23. Open when you’re bored. Ten things to do, at least three of them ridiculous.
24. Open when you’ve got nothing to open. For when the rest are used up: a promise of more.

For dates and milestones

These open on a particular day rather than a feeling, so they can be sealed until then.

25. Open on your birthday. Something for the morning, before the day gets busy.
26. Open on our anniversary. The story of how it started, from your side.
27. Open on Christmas Eve. For the night before, wherever they’re spending it.
28. Open at midnight on New Year’s Eve. What this year was, and what you hope for theirs.
29. Open on Valentine’s Day. A love letter, obviously.
30. Open on your first day. For a new job or a new school: they’re ready, and you’ll want to hear everything.
31. Open on moving day. Something for the first night in the new place, among the boxes.
32. Open the night before the big day. Calm, confidence, and an early night.

Just for fun

33. Open when you want to know a secret. A small, harmless one. Or a big one, if you’re brave.
34. Open when you’re hungry. Your best recipe, written as if you’re in the kitchen with them.
35. Open when you need a playlist. Ten songs, with a line on why each one’s there.
36. Open when you’re about to do something daft. Talk them out of it. Or in.
37. Open when you need a date idea. A plan, down to the time and the place.
38. Open when you’ve forgotten why you like me. A reminder, with examples.
39. Open when you need a pep talk. Your best half-time speech.
40. Open when you’ve read all the others. The last word, and the start of the next set.

How to write each one

Every open when letter works the same way, however long it is:

• Start inside the moment. Not “I hope you’re OK”, but “Right. It’s 2am and you can’t sleep.”
• Stay with the feeling. Don’t rush to cheer them up. Say you know it’s rubbish first.
• Give them one thing to do. Put the kettle on. Go outside. Ring your sister.
• End with something to hold on to. A date you’ll see each other, a memory, a joke.

Here’s a whole one, so you can see the shape:

Open when you can’t sleep: Right. Kettle on, and not the fancy tea, the proper stuff. I know your head’s going round in circles, so here’s something else to think about: the time the goat got into the tent in Wales. You were so brave. You hid behind me. Go on, have a biscuit. Things always look smaller in the morning, and I’ll ring you at eight. Love you, sleepyhead.

Making a set you can send

Paper open when letters need to be in their hands before the moment comes. A digital set can be sent from anywhere, the night before they leave or the week after. Put them all in one envelope: up to ten letters, each with its “open when” as the first line, for one price, from $1.29. They open the envelope once, see every letter, and take out the one they need tonight. Writing more than ten? Start a second envelope.

The dated ones (birthday, anniversary, New Year) are different, because they should stay shut until the day. Give each of those an envelope of its own, set to open on its date, with a countdown on the front until then. If anyone else might pick up their phone, add a passphrase, so only they can open it. And for “open when you can’t remember my voice”, record the film. It’s the one they’ll open most.